allergic to cats

there were two things i wanted to talk about today: one being how to adjust and one being how to accept. i guess to prevent this post from being unnecessarily long we’ll talk about the latter first, and maybe the former another time. 

while i don’t think i’m the kind of person to always choose the route of denial or avoidance versus the road the entails facing the problem head on, i do think i “chicken out” a fair bit and end up taking the easy path, even if it means giving up on something i believe in, want to stand up for, or know i have to do. this is destructive both to myself as well as the people around me. lately it’s become more and more apparent to me that while painful at the moment, it is almost always better to run into your problems head first and have them hit you in the face right away, than to keep running, and running, and let them chase you down until you pass out from exhaustion and they slap you in the face anyway. 

(sorry, i really wanted to put that more eloquently but that really is more or less what it is, so why sugar coat it, hm) 

wait but first. don’t get me wrong. i’m not saying that we should act impulsively and spontaneously - while definitely healthy in moderation and able to provide a good amount of amusement to our lives, too much acting-on-urges can lead to messes we’ll need to clean up later. at the same time though, too often i feel like i wrap myself in the blanket of comfort otherwise known as “i’ll deal with it later”, and then later becomes even later, until the problem becomes to big and i can’t possibly even take it on on my own anymore. 

there are so many people, tasks, problems, and events that are so easy to avoid and put off to another day. it’s easy to take the road of least resistance, and be complacent, and only take care of issues when we cannot possibly ignore them any longer. but i often find myself regretting not having dealt with something earlier, when it was still manageable, and instead letting it escalate. it’s definitely something i find myself keeping in mind more and more, and something i wanted to share with you guys. 

on a totally entirely unrelated note here’s a cute idea for doodle/journalling: 

and let that be a reminder to myself (and the rest of you too, i suppose) to be more creative more often! wee~

happy thursday everyone :) 

♥ anna

I really did not want to post another sad blog for my next post, but I usually feel like writing the most when I want to write away my sadness. 

It was a rainy/gloomy day. I stayed in and slept to pass the time, and I couldn’t help but think “damn, it makes no difference if I let myself out into the world, or not.” It’s not like I’m needed or anything. I don’t have a job, people are on vacation, and everyone else is busy studying or keeping occupied with someone/something else. The fact that the world is able to exist without me should encourage my ass to try a little harder, move a little faster and basically do something with my life. But I’m not trying any harder or moving any faster than I need to. I piss myself off. 

Hopefully, I won’t feel the same way the next time I wake up and I will leave the house to do something productive. 

**Just for my own sanity, I would like for everyone who stops by this blog to know that I’m not always sad. Thank you!**

dddmui.

LOL we can edit one anothers posts on here!

P.S. derek is hot

-jenn

Sometimes I want to delete things that (online, or in meatspace) remind me of how much of an idiot I am/used to be/can be.  I’m not sure if it’s easier and more effective to just pretend some things never happened, or if it’s better to preserve things that happened to keep them around as a reminder for the future and to repeatedly brood over and apologize for them.  The first option might make you seem or feel aloof and conceited, but it also allows for growth to take root faster, by eliminating that need for a period to wallow in your own shame.  It’s good to use negative emotions as a kickstart to give you motivation to improve, and it’s good to let people know you are apologetic and want to make amends and improvements, but beyond that, you wallowing is probably going to just be an eyesore for most people around you, be detrimental at most and basically ineffective at mildest.  I obviously thought to write everything above here because shit got real in our little “group” of friendsies because I let myself get angry and then let myself get dumb from getting angry, but I suppose it’s going to be okay anyway by the looks of things, luckily.  It WAS kinda fun while it lasted though :D . 

I also thought my first post on this blog was kind of dumb for a number of reasons that I won’t go into.

One of these days I’m going to talk about all the reasons why I like Anna and why I like Derek.  It’s going to be tough getting it all down, like trying to count all the sheepies you have when you’re a settlers of catan sheepmaster and they keep coming infinitely, but I am going to do it.

Here’s a cute blog I really like: http://keikoskawaiipalace.tumblr.com/ .

When I feel sad, I look at it.  It’s on my laptop’s bookmarks bar.

Here is a picture from it:

Another thing I highly recommend: there’s a store in Richmond Centre that sells great things like giant rilakkumas and chickens.  I went with Anna two days ago.  If you feel sad, maybe you should go there and stare at the bears and chickens.  If you are feeling generous you may buy me a gift from there, or maybe I will buy you one from there if I am feeling generous.  Maybe you can let me know if you want something else from elsewhere too, if you’re not into that stuff.

Yesterday, I hung out with Claudia and Barton and it was very nice, very fun.  Today, I hope to do some productive stuff.  I made a post in my personal blog earlier this morning, which I don’t really count as productive so much, but you can check that if you’d like.

Hope you enjoyed reading~ have a nice day!

- jenn

I’m not really sure what kinds of things I should designate to posting onto this blog and what things I should designate to posting onto my regular blog.

Here’s a photo

Hope you enjoy.  I’ll talk about my emotions some other time.

P.S. All the bios are “as told by Anna”, and the part about me being multi-talented is bull.  I’m just interested in and take enjoyment in doing many things.

One of Anna’s (many many) top skills is b.s.-ing pleasantries.  Anna is the true multi-talented one. :3

- jenn

I find that there are a lot of people in the world. I don’t particularly feel like people are drawn towards me, and maybe it’s because they can smell the stink I carry around with me wherever I go. I’m struggling to find a balance within myself, where I can truly believe that people care about me as much as I care about them. When I’m lying in my bed at night, sometimes I think about who always chooses me first. No one. I am no one’s first priority, because all I can be is second best. My heart breaks a little bit every time I think about this, so I just ignore it, like how I ignore everything else that is apparent and fucking true about me. It’s a terrible stench to carry around, but until I can find that balance, I don’t think I can ever be truly happy. 

dddmui.